What gun you carry says a lot about you as a person, as does your favorite food. Not only whether you’re adventurous or timid, you like things bold or subdued, but also whether you consider anything beyond the pure utilitarian aspects of something, or if you just follow the crowd.
Red Dot Pistol / Avocado Toast
Avocado toast. Is there a more quintessential millennial food? “Avocados were created by God to be scooped with chips in the form of guacamole. What are these young kids doing, slicing the dern things up and putting them on toast?!?!” -Boomers (probably).
Now imagine that same thought, but in regards to taking red dots from rifles and putting them on pistols.
Glock 19 / Plain Bologna Sandwich
It gets the job done. It’s not fancy, it has no personality, and it is the definition of ‘meh’. It has no features or individualization to turn a potential consumer away, unless you find the complete lack of character to be a down side. Some people see it as a blank canvas upon which to paint their own art, others see it as needing an extra $150 just to make it worth shooting.
Also, plain bologna sandwiches are boring.
Poly80 Glock / IKEA meatballs
Poly80 sells DIY (Glock) pistol kits. You just buy the components, mill out the frame, install the internals, and if you didn’t screw it up you’ve got a gun that probably works! That’s basically how IKEA works, except with furniture. It’s coincidental that IKEA has some semi-famous meatballs, because this isn’t a list of gun/furniture pairings.
CZ / PBR Tall Boy
“The beer experienced a sales revival in the early 2000s after a two-decade-long slump, largely due to its increasing popularity among urban hipsters. ” –PBR’s Wikipedia page. That’s all you need to know about PBR. It’s not really that great, the appeal is in the obscurity and irony of drinking Pabst. Drinking a 16 oz can instead of a 12 oz can only makes it less normal, which is the whole point. PBR was the original “hipster beer”.
CZ pistols are known as hipster guns, because they used to be pretty obscure. Until the fall of the Soviet Union, you literally could not get CZ75’s in the us, only clones. Thankfully those days are over and CZs can be had easily in most places, kinda like PBR, even in the 16 oz cans.
Knights Armament Co / Wagyu Steak
Both are undeniably the pinnacle of the form. Both are also undeniably most expensive examples you can buy. Wagyu Beef and a Knights rifle are both beyond the purchasing power of 99% of the general population, and those who can afford them keep telling us that they are worth the money, and that we need to just save up and ‘stop being poor‘.
Smart Gun / Impossible Burger
The globalists don’t want you to have guns, or eat meat. That’s an issue because those things are awesome and we are unlikely to let either of them go without a fight. So, what to do? Why, you introduce a substitute that you can trick the masses into switching to as a sort of gateway to your desired end state, of course!
Never mind that the smart guns are only ever in .22LR, and can be hacked into firing by unauthorized users with fridge magnets. Forget about the fact that Impossible Meat is more processed than the ‘unhealthy’ burger it’s supposed to replace, and that it has 18,000,000 times the estrogen of a normal burger. Just get those meat-eating, gun carrying neanderthals in line with our agenda! For Global Cooling Global Warming Climate Change’s sake!
I’ve got a couple more ideas for food & gun pairings, but I’m always up for suggestions. Let me know if you have any you’d like to see! Is anyone else hungry? I could go for a burrito right about now…
I’ll see you next Friday. -S_S
Pro-Gun Millennial 